


I Hold You

by thirteenismywife



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beau and Yasha are so in love it hurts, Caleb loves his friends so much! Ouch!, Canon Compliant, Empire Siblings - Freeform, F/F, it's post 128 but no real spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29890401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirteenismywife/pseuds/thirteenismywife
Summary: Beau is gonna fuck this up. But what if she really, really doesn't want to fuck this up.This is set a hazy time after 128 - the threats are all still there.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 7
Kudos: 150





	I Hold You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! I'm back with more beauyasha as they really do own my heart right now. I wrote this while listening to the whole of Yasha 3 playlist so you can blame that for the existence of this fic. There's also some self indulgent empire siblings in this as I couldn't help myself. Please let me know what you think!

They’re still on the run.

Running from Trent, running towards Lucien.

It doesn’t leave much time for a new romance to fully blossom.

While there are stolen kisses, longing looks and warm ‘schnuggles’ during the night, there isn’t time to really _talk_. 

Beau has been poring through her notes as the group settles down in the tower; comparing her oldest scribblings about the living city against what they know now, grasping for any new connections. 

With a groan the monk throws her head back, ready to give up for at least tonight. Caleb, who often joins Beauregard in the library late into the evenings, gives an affirmative hum in response.

“Ah, I agree. Henry, Greta, please bring in some hot chocolates for us? Don’t hold back on the marshmallows.” The ever obedient (and slightly indignant) fey cats give a ‘mrrp’ and disappear into the walls. Once Caleb focuses on Beau again, he finds her transfixed by the red eye on the back of her hand, slowly tensing her fingers and quickly releasing again as if she could intimidate the damn thing off of her skin.

“Are we expecting another visit tonight? I haven’t yet deciphered a pattern, just like in the dreams themselves…nothing clear” her brothers’ voice snaps Beau out of the trance she fell into with a quick shake of her head.

“Nah that would just be too fucking easy, wouldn’t it?” Beau leans forward and rubs her face with both hands, and stays like that until Caleb gently nudges her knee with his foot and gestures at the fresh hot chocolate that has just arrived.

“There’s something else troubling you, Beauregard. Are we going to talk about it now, or wait until you explode?” He taps his fingers against his cup and looks knowingly at Beau, and damn him, she thinks, for knowing her so well.

“Fuck you” It’s almost a reflex, and she doesn’t mean it. Caleb knows she doesn’t mean it (damn him). “I’m - there is so much at stake right now. So much going on. So much to be scared of. But the thing I’m the most terrified of now is ruining the best damn thing I have.” Her hands go back to rubbing at her eyes, her mind at war with itself, the instinct to keep everything close and buried trying to stop that feeling of trust and safety this family has so carefully built within her.

“Yasha.” Caleb says simply, not wanting to interrupt, but nudging her along. That’s his job after all, to nudge the most brilliant mind he knows further - always further, always _more_ because she is always capable of it.

“We’re great, y’know? She is _really_ great. I want to just enjoy what we have right now amongst the absolute chaos. I want to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop - for me to completely fuck it up.” Beau’s whole body goes visibly tense, and she breathes deeply, willing herself to keep control for just a bit longer. “These eyes on us, Caleb...we looked into that book without thinking of the consequences and now- now I wonder if some fucked up part of me wanted this. I read a letter that had, _everything_ I’ve ever wanted to hear, my, my whole life...it was so much to take in, and when I finally asked her out on a date, what do I do? Sabotage it.”

“I’d like to see the Somnovem try.” There's a small smile on the wizards face as his stares into the log fireplace in front of them.

“Uh, come again?” 

“If you think some ancient, omnipresent beings will be enough to keep Yasha from loving you, I’ve got bad news for you Lionett.” he turns his gaze to Beau, resolute in tone. “She may be a quiet one, like me, but oh, Beauregard, she is so _loud_ in the way that she loves you.” She stares back at him, uncharacteristically quiet. Her mouth opens and closes, trying to form words that haven’t quite made it yet. 

When she does find the words, they are whispered, barely audible over the crackle of the fire. “I’m so scared, Caleb. I _really_ don’t want to screw this up.” 

“So you won’t. Listen to me, Beauregard. I know more than anyone the instinct to sabotage, to punish myself. I also know that there are people that won’t let me do that. It doesn’t mean we won’t try - or struggle with the urge that is so deeply ingrained in us. It means that sometimes we have to release control of ourselves...only to the people we trust, only when we can’t trust our own minds.” He caught himself rubbing at his arm, and stopped before he left angry red marks over the scars there. Tonight is a night in which he trusts himself, because he likes himself when he cares for his friends, he likes how natural it feels, how warm it feels without boiling over.

“Shit Caleb, when did you become the optimistic one?” Beau sniffles and lightly punches him in the shoulder ( -1 hit point, not light enough).

“I wouldn’t go that far” he lets out a dry chuckle, a rarity in recent weeks. 

“I know that Yasha and I need to talk, I mean, there’s so much I want to say to her, so many things I want to ask her. Do you think I need to tell her about Keg and Reani? Like, we obviously weren’t together then, but I’m pretty sure I was already in deep and that’s weird…? Right?” Beau has switched to a crossed legged position on the couch, visibility more relaxed and open towards Caleb. 

The wizard slowly blinks. “Ah, Beauregard I’m afraid that’s where my expertise ends. Perhaps Jester can help with that?”

It’s Beau’s turn to blink. “Jester? Oh Gods maybe I need to tell Yasha about that? Maybe? Uh - thanks man, I gotta go.”

Before Caleb could even think to dissect that statement, Beau had left the library and floated up the iris.

She finds Yasha where she suspected she would be; in Beau’s room. It has been an unspoken arrangement since the date, whenever they had the tower (which hasn’t been as frequent as the Nein would like, but needs must at the moment), Yasha would stay with Beau in her room. The Aasimar was at the desk, her face adorably focused on whatever was in front of her.

“Hey” Beau announced her arrival, voice soft and full of affection. When Yasha turned and returned the greeting with a smile, Beau felt her heart swoop and fall all over again. 

“What are you up to?” Beau swooped down to plant a kiss on Yasha’s forehead, and peeked over her shoulder. There’s a piece of parchment laid out on the desk with various sketches of lightning, clouds, and oh - yes that’s a dick with lightning coming out of it.

“Oh yes I’m uh- practicing the Stormlords symbol? Jester is helping me with getting closer to Him and I want to make sure I get this right” her eyebrows knit together and Beau threads her fingers into Yasha’s hair, using her thumb to ease the tension on her temple.

“That’s awesome, I’m glad you’re finding ways to communicate with your God.” She glances over at the parchment again and points out a thundercloud with two bolts that converge into one. “I think that one’s my favourite. Would make for a dope tattoo, I bet”

“Maybe Orly could do another tattoo for me when we next see him? I think I would like that.” They do this a lot, talk as if the world isn’t ending around them, as if everyday isn’t a risk of life or death. When they’re together like this, it’s hard to think of the end of everything. Everything has just begun for them.

Yasha reaches for Beau’s hand threaded through her hair and slowly brings it to her lips, and places a soft kiss to her knuckles. “Are you okay?” She is still seated and looks up at Beau with soft concern, sensing the tense energy Beau brought with her.

“Uh, yeah? I think so? I just had this talk with Caleb and it helped, he helped. But I’m still trying to organise my thoughts. I do want to talk though, with you.” Beau offered her other hand and guided Yasha to stand, before leading her to the sofa in front of the mural of the Mighty Nein.

“Of course, Beau, anything” ‘for you’ was unsaid but not unheard, and not for the first time, Beau wants to thank the ocean, the sky, the Stormlord himself for giving her this angel.

“Since our date, we haven’t really had a chance to talk that wasn’t about plans or theories and I’ve been...well I’ve been getting lost in my own head and I guess I need you to kind of uh, save me from myself?” Beau’s voice wavered at the end, unsure of her own words. Yasha’s head tilted slightly as she regarded Beau, their right hands are still interlocked and she gives a light squeeze, encouraging Beau to continue.

“I’m...scared. Of ruining this. It’s what I’ve always done and I _really_ don’t want to do it this time. You’re kinda everything to me and I don’t want to fuck that up.” Yasha’s eyes are shining when she cradles the back of Beau’s neck, and she surges forward to capture her lips in a searing kiss.

She pulls back a centimetre. “ _You’re_ everything” Yasha whispers against her lips before she pulls back and Beau feels the intensity of her look deep within her soul. “I don’t care if you make a million mistakes, Beau, I love you. I love you.” Yasha brushes her lips across the monks’ and presses all of her love into the kisses, willing Beau to feel it. She tastes salt and pulls back once again to see fresh tears on Beau’s face.

“I’ve cried _way_ too much today, it’s going to ruin my badass image” Yasha chuckles and gently wipes the tears away.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone how much of a marshmallow you are.” 

“Better not, I’m tough as fuck” Beau grins and juts her chin up, and Yasha has to restrain herself from kissing her again, reminds herself that Beau wanted to talk.

“Beau...you do know you can talk to me about...anything? Right? You can be scared and worried but please don’t feel that alone, I can hold those feelings for you when they become too much.”

“I think I’d like that. I want to do that for you too. That’s what we do, right? Hold each other.” Yasha’s smile is radiant as she stands and swoops Beau up into her arms in one smooth movement. Beau’s tiny squeak turns into what can only be called a giggle, which is another thing Yasha knows is for her and her alone.

“Damn right we do.” Yasha begins to walk them to their bed.

“Wait, babe, if you put me down on that bed I can’t promise there will be much more talking tonight.” If Beau didn’t share the feeling, she would find the deeply conflicted look on Yasha’s face _hilarious_. 

“Okay okay okay, how about we stay on the sofa? I’m not letting go of you though.”

“Good, cos I don’t plan on letting you go anytime soon.” 

Yes, they’re still on the run.

Still running from Trent, running after Lucien.

But when has mortal danger ever stopped them from falling in love?


End file.
